Jesus’ love for us is one of the most pleasurable things in life, and something that ought to provoke us not only to praise and thanksgiving, but also unto sacrifice, as Paul says, that we “which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto Him which died for them, and rose again.” [2 Cor 5:15] In the Psalms it says, “because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.” [Psa 63:3] Indeed, Jesus’ lovingkindness is “better than life,” and “in His favour is life.” [Psa 30:5] Jesus is a God whose intimate presence offers us life and not death; light and not darkness. “For with [Him] is the fountain of life: in [His] light shall we see light.” [Psa 36:9] If we have found God to be dark or dry and lifeless, we have not encountered the true God; for Christ says, “he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst;” and again, “he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” [Jn 6:35; 8:12]. And as The LORD rhetorically testified to an idolatrous and backsliding Israel,
“Have I been a wilderness unto Israel? A land of darkness? Wherefore say my people, we are lords; we will come no more unto thee?” [Jer 2:31]
The Lord Jesus’ presence is exceedingly precious and good, a thousand times better and more pleasurable than any other place: “for a day in thy courts is better than a thousand [elsewhere].” [Psa 84:10] Everything of His nature, of His character, to the regenerated heart, is pleasurable and good, and the pursuit of Him and that which is of Him brings life: as it is written, “…your heart shall live that seek God.” [Psa 69:32; 22:26] The Lord is easily approachable. His character is desirable, and He turns none away. This is shown to us in the gospels on many occasions; for whereas sinners and those who were far from God were not willing to approach the Pharisees, (for they said to such people, “stand by thyself, come not near unto me; for I am holier than thou…” [Isa 65:5]), they would often approach Jesus. For example,
“And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples.” [Mt 9:10]
And again,
“Then drew near unto Him all the publicans and sinners for to hear Him.” [Lk 15:1]
And once more, even after Jesus in holy anger “cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,” [Mt 21:12] yet so gentle and approachable was Christ, that it immediately says,
“And the blind and the lame came to Him in the temple; and He healed them.” [Mt 21:14]
And whereas in the worldly kingdom of Persia, where “whether man or woman, shall come unto the king into the inner court, who is not called, there is one law of his to put him to death, except to such to whom the king shall hold out the golden sceptre, that he may live,” [Est 4:11] there is no such law nor custom with Christ, who though He is King above all, yet He says graciously, “come unto me;” and, “him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” [Mt 11:28, Jn 6:37]
Through these passages, we undoubtedly conclude that through Jesus, God is approachable and kind. He is gentle and welcoming; He is not off-putting nor abrasive, He is neither cold nor averse to our fellowship. This characteristic of Christ, and thus of God, is to be exemplified in marriage. A husband ought to be for His wife as Christ is for the church. In this context, we, as husbands, are to be welcoming and gracious, approachable and easy to get along with. We must not be as “the sons of Belial,” of whom it is written,
“[They] shall be all of them as thorns thrust away, because they cannot be taken with hands: but the man that shall touch them must be fenced with iron and the staff of a spear; and they shall be utterly burned with fire in the same place.” [2 Sam 23:6-7]
No, but in contrast to being “as thorns,” we ought to be like Christ, producing fruit out of our lives akin to His. As it says of His love,
“As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters…” [Songs 2:2]
And of His fruit,
“I sat down under His shadow with great delight, and His fruit was sweet to my taste.” [Songs 2:3]
A truly Christ-like husband must produce fruit that is soft and sweet, not thorny and harsh. Our wives must be able with freedom to come to us, just as The Spirit exhorts us regarding our Groom, Jesus, “let us therefore come with freedom unto the throne of grace…” [Heb 4:16] Let us then examine ourselves and see: is our presence as it were a throne of grace? Is our presence more desirable to our wives and better than other’s – as Christ’s presence is to us? Do our wives gladly and easily ask us questions, approach us, and interact with us? Or are we as thorns, so that they must be so peculiar as to not be pricked and hurt by us? We must strive to be as Jesus; we must strive to be gentle and loving to our wives, approachable and kind, a presence they long to encounter, instead of dreading.