Noah Webster defines grace in a few ways. Among other definitions, he says grace is, “favor; good will; kindness; disposition to oblige another;” or, “the free unmerited love and favor of God, the spring and source of all the benefits men receive from Him.” [Webster] And favor, a close synonym to grace, means, “kind regard…support; defense…benevolence shown by word or deed.” [Webster] Paul says The Father,
“Predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us to be endowed with grace in the beloved [Son].” [Eph 1:5-6]
Within the Father’s glorious grace, accessible to us through Jesus Christ, The Beloved of God, The Father has “made us to be endowed with grace.” To endow means, “to furnish with a portion of goods or estate…to enrich or furnish with any gift, quality, or faculty…” [Webster] Therefore, if in Christ Jesus God’s Son, The Father has made us to be endowed with grace, we conclude that God has furnished us with His full portion of grace in Jesus; He has enriches us with the gift of His lavish and unending grace. In the letter to Timothy, Paul says regarding his salvation,
“And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.” [1 Tim 1:14]
And if for Paul, so too for us. God’s grace is exceeding abundant toward us in Christ Jesus; it is, as Webster defines, “the spring and source of all the benefits [we] receive from Him.” And this grace is freely available, freely offered, for us to lay hold of, for us to approach “the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in the opportune time.” [Heb 4:16] We are encouraged in Romans,
“For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which are laying hold of the abundance of the grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.” [Rom 5:17]
This free access to God’s grace, which is open only to those who are humble – (for, “God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” [Jam 4:6]), is profitable and good for every situation. There is hardly a time in our lives where we do not need more of God’s grace. And praise God that it is so freely offered to us through Jesus Christ, and that He is so willing to impart it to us. As John writes of Christ through whom “grace and truth came,” “of His fulness have we all received, and grace over against grace.” [Jn 1:16-17] Is it not such a wonderful thing, that through Christ our Shepherd, our Savior, our Lord, who though He is high above all, yet He bows Himself down to share His grace freely with us? What a pleasing thought for the heart of Him who is saved. Yes, through His grace, we have all we need. “The LORD is the one Shepherding me; I am not lacking;” [Psa 23:1] for, “[in] all things I have strength in the one strengthening me.” [Phil 4:13] Through Jesus’ imparted strength, a tangible grace, a benevolence offered to us of God, we have the ability to do anything. Furthermore, in Corinthians, we are promised that The Lord shall bring us to fulness in all things. The Spirit writes through Paul, saying,
“I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ; that in every thing ye have been brought to fulness by Him, in all utterance, and in all knowledge; even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in you: so that ye come behind in no gift; waiting for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” [1 Cor 1:4-7]
Now that we have briefly seen how good and how pleasant God’s grace is, and how it is furnished to us by means of our relationship and union to and with Jesus Christ, let us apply these things to marriage, to that relationship which pictures Christ and His bride.
Let us begin by remembering that God’s throne is “the throne of grace.” [Heb 4:16] It is not a throne of fear, for “perfect love casteth out fear;” [1 Jn 4:18] neither is it a throne of uncertainty, sternness, or greediness. No, but God’s throne, which throne is also Christ’s, (for it is “the throne of God and of The Lamb.” [Rev 22:3]), is a throne of grace. If we have seen and experienced the beauty of this truth, let us seek to exemplify it in our home. Let our position of authority in the home as husband, (for God says, “the head of the woman is the man.” [1 Cor 11:3]), be as it were a throne of grace. If our wives come to ask a question, to seek our face for some cause, to come to us in any manner: let them be met with grace. For is that not how The Lord awaits our drawing near to Him? Is not His throne that of grace and mercy and acceptance? For in Jesus “we have freedom and access [to God] with confidence by the faith of Him.” [Eph 3:12] Therefore, if we are to be the head of our wives, let us be gracious as Christ and our Father in Heaven are gracious to us.
Moreover, in Psalms it is said of God,
“…Thy meekness/humility hath made me great. Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.” [Psa 18:35-36]
In regard to our walk, The LORD is very gracious and lenient. He enlarges the path under our feet so that we do not stumble, so that we do not totter. He does not set before us a slim board and say, ‘run!’, but gives us a liberal track to walk upon so that we need not fear. One of the reasons Christ came is that we might be able to “serve [God] without fear.” [Lk 1:74] Because of Jesus, we can serve God without fear. We do not have to fear that He shall smite us to the earth or scold us at the least mistake. We do not have to fear such rigid and thin guidelines, that if we stumble only a few inches, God is ready there with a great whip for our backs. No, but we can be confident through our Lord Jesus that the love The Father had for Him, He has for us – for Jesus prayed, “…[thou] hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.” [Jn 17:23] And we can be secure and safe in the great assurance that The Father loves us and is exceedingly gracious to us, allowing us much room to walk; for He has “enlarged [our] steps under [us].”
In the same manner that The Lord deals with us, we, as husbands, ought to deal with our wives. That same leniency, meekness, and grace which affords us the ability to take root and grow, is what we must also offer our wives that they may grow. A husband must be lenient and gracious to his wife, often dying to his own preferences, desires, and will, so to love her all the better. A husband should not take much offense at the least mistake but should offer his wife a wide path to walk upon, giving her much grace when things are not prepared or accomplished in his preferred timeline or manner. Our wives ought to feel safe to serve us; safe to walk and live in the home, not worried that we are waiting as it were with a great eyeglass, to fault-find and nag regarding their unfavorable conduct. And in regard to true sin, let us be equally gracious: for is not our Lord with us? Does it not say quite gloriously,
“He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward them that fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgression from us.” [Psa 103:10-12]
If God does not deal with us according to our sins, being exceedingly merciful to us, being so inclined to treat us far better than we deserve, ought not the husband do the same toward his wife? For true love, “…is not taking sin into account;” [1 Cor 13:5] and, “the understanding/prudence of a man extends his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.” [Prov 19:11] The man who is acting in love does not keep a record of wrong: thinking, dwelling upon, and considering all his wife’s past or recent sins. Further, a man who is walking in Godly wisdom is longsuffering; though wronged, though provoked, yet by prudence he dies to anger and wrath, instead passing over sin and wrongs done against himself. A man who is quick to anger is no man at all; for, “anger resteth in the bosom of fools;” and, “the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” [Ecc 7:9, Jam 1:20]
If we wish to be Godly husbands, let us offer our wives grace. Let us not deal with them according to a list of rules, like the law, but according to grace – for that is how God deals with us – that they may live in our home without fear, restful in our love for them.