Through Peter, The Spirit reminds husbands that their wives are “heirs together of the grace of life.” [1 Pe 3:7] Often, and not only in marriage, there is temptation to see ourselves solitarily; that is, to view ourselves as the only righteous persons left – much like Elijah who said, “Lord, they have killed thy prophets, and digged down thine altars; and I am left alone, and they seek my life.” [Rom 11:3] But, as Paul reasoned in Romans, “what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal.” [Rom 11:4] We see then that which is told to us in Proverbs: “a man who isolates Himself seeks his own desire,” and thus not God’s desire. [Prov 18:1] If we ever believe there is no one else but us, we have been deceived, selfishly separating ourselves. We must remember what Peter said: that we steadfastly resist satan’s attacks, “knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.” [1 Pe 5:9] This is especially true in marriage, wherein we, as husbands, must take great care to treat our wives with all gentleness and honor: “giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” [1 Pe 3:7] We cannot ever view ourselves as separate or as enemies from our wives: they too shall inherit Christ’s kingdom, they too shall see His face, and they too are loved by Him with an everlasting love just as we. In marriage, however, this unity comes not just spiritually through a common Savior and Spirit, but also through the mystical joining done of God, as it is written,
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” [Eph 5:31-32]
Seeing that the husband and wife are one flesh, being brought together and united by God – “for two, saith He, shall be one flesh,” [1 Cor 6:16] – there ought to be a great care given to the wife by the husband. For the actions of the husband, especially those spiritual in nature, will have a direct impact on her life as well, seeing they are one flesh. That which happens to the husband happens also to the wife, they being one flesh; even as it says of The LORD, “in all their affliction He was afflicted,” and also of Jesus who said to Saul, “Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?” [Isa 63:9, Acts 9:4] so too it is with the husband and wife, who are one flesh and one body. We remember also how Jonah’s sin affected not just him but all those in the boat, for it was due to His rebellion they all did suffer. So then, our actions as husbands affect not just us, but also our wives.
Therefore, because this is true, the husband should do well to seek God’s face, living His life in constant pursuit of Christ’s strength, face, and glory, as we are encouraged, “seek The LORD and His strength, seek His face continually.” [1 Ch 16:11] This lifestyle is one that will afford our wives more blessing from God; if the husband truly desires His wife to be blessed and live a fruitful life, He shall set His face ever toward The LORD. We can see this in Chronicles, wherein a prophet speaks to the people, saying,
“For if ye turn again unto The LORD, your brethren and your children shall find compassion before them that lead them captive, so that they shall come again into this land: for The LORD your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn away His face from you, if ye return to Him.” [2 Ch 30:9]
Notice how the prophet says that “if ye turn again unto The LORD,” then their brethren and children would “find compassion before them that lead them captive…for The LORD your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn away His face from you, if ye return to Him.” Here, the pattern previously exposed is revealed once again: the actions of one affect those connected or associated to him. And just as with here, how the turning back to The LORD would cause a more merciful outcome for those taken captive of Israel, so too in marriage, the diligent and steady pursuit of Christ by a husband favorably affects the wife. Wherefore, if a husband truly desires His wife to find the best grace and favor and blessing in God’s sight, he should set his face toward God and seek Him diligently. Paul speaks of this in Philippians; He writes by The Spirit,
“And this I pray, that your love my abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all discernment; that ye may approve things that are excellent, that ye may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ.” [Phil 1:9-10]
In this passage, Paul desires and prays that the believers would grow in love. And why is that? For this reason: that they might test and find and hold to those things which are excellent (of greater value), in order that they might be pure and without offence upon that day when Christ shall surely return. From this we receive instruction regarding love. Chiefly, that love results in choosing those things which are best, that is, excellent, for excellent means “being of great virtue or worth.” [Webster] In our relationship with Christ, for love’s sake, we “discipline [our bodies], and lead [them] away as slave[s];” [1 Cor 9:27] we die to the flesh and choose those things which more closely resemble Christ and His good character. This is motivated by love; as Paul says, “the love of Christ constraineth us.” [2 Cor 5:14] It is the love we bear for our Lord which motivates us to put away that which is bad and to cling to what is good, to that which reflects and is most like Jesus. In the very same way, for love’s sake, we forbear from those things which would injure or annoy our wives so that our relationship is bettered. And further, for love’s sake we ought to seek Jesus Christ, that our lives might produce sweeter fruit for our wives, so that our disposition might be more tender and affectionate toward her. And again, so that as we have seen, we being desirous of Christ and pursuing Him hotly, being thus more blessed in that state (for, “The LORD is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him.” [Lam 3:25]), our wives should enjoy and benefit from the effects. That is, if we truly love our wives, the best thing we can do is love Jesus chiefly and seek Him, to have our faces ever turned to gaze upon Him. This will work toward a greater blessing on the part of our wives, godliness being “profitable unto all things.” [1 Tim 4:8] So then, if we are not presently engaged in this, let us set ourselves to this great pursuit today. And if we already do this, let us continue.