It is often easier, though not more correct, to point the finger at others and to instruct them on how to act, rather than looking at oneself. This often shows up in marriage when the husband quotes Paul, “wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” [Eph 5:22] However, if we take a closer look at this verse from the husband’s perspective, we should see that the burden of this command lays more heavily upon the man rather than the woman. In context, the command from our Lord reads,
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” [Eph 5:22-24]
Notice the degree to which wives are instructed to “submit:” Paul says “as unto the Lord.” The word submit means “to yield, resign or surrender to the power, will or authority of another.” [Webster 1828] The word can be understood in no other way: wives are commanded to yield themselves to their husbands; not to “usurp authority over the man,” [1 Tim 2:12] but instead to be subject to their own husbands, obeying his will and God-given authority. Paul says this is because, like Christ is the head of the church [Eph 4:15], “the husband is the head of the wife.” As the head of the body controls the arms, legs, and other such members, so too Christ as our head, controls the body of The Church. In a similar way, the husband is to control the family unit and to be over the wife as a leader and ruler. We see here quite a fear-inspiring truth. On the part of the wife, yes; but much more on the part of the husband.
Though the husband is not being spoken to directly in the above passage, the command herein given to every wife implies a great deal of responsibility to the husband. For we read that wives should submit themselves “unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” This reveals to us the degree to which the husbands must reflect Christ. For if the wife is to yield to the man as the Church is required to yield to Jesus Christ our True Groom, that man must then seek with all His power to be like Christ. If he wishes to be a good husband, he must strive by The Holy Spirit’s power to be ever more conformed to Jesus’ image and to pursue holiness; he must abide in Jesus and behold His glory, that he might be transformed into that very image that ought to hold his gaze. Indeed, this command is a frightening, an awe-inspiring thing for the husband: for if He wishes to be a godly husband, the standard implied to him is exceedingly great.
Truly, the only way a man can fulfil this obligation of being like Christ, so that his wife would have a husband worthy of submitting to, so that his wife might even joyfully and willingly submit – as we do to Christ – is if He fervently clings to Jesus with all his might. For, “the head of every man is Christ,” and without Him he “can do nothing.” [1 Cor 11:3, Jn 15:5] As husbands, we must desire to be ever-more conformed into Jesus’ image for our wife, so that she would have a husband she desires to submit to, so that her command to submit herself to us is not a grievous burden, heavy to be borne, but light and easy, just as Christ tells us, “my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” [Mt 11:30] May our wives never say as Jesus said of the Pharisees, that our rule in the home is a burdensome weight to them and we will not help them carry the load; for He said of those wicked religious leaders, “for they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.” [Mt 23:4]
Instead, may we be as Christ; may we take this command for our wives in Ephesians seriously. Let us not use it as a means to demand submission from our wives, but let us use it to cling fast to Jesus’ hem that we might find grace to help us and that we might receive of His power: for we desperately need Christ, who is our head, to empower us that we might be a husband worthy to submit to.